Man, I think it’s who I am.
I watch people. it’s a habit, started by intrigue and putting myself in situations where I can watch it happen. Maybe its a sickness, but I don’t think it is. I tend it think its 50/50 irony and curiosity.
Why do people ignore so much of what is happening around them? Not so much the daily news, or what you think is is a good candidate for the presidency, but people themselves?
I went to church this weekend. I reveled in the irony. I was a church going man for most of my life, so respect for the church going man isn’t lost on me. Respect for the true believer? Not lost either. You guy and gals might just be the glue that holds this whole shit ball together, in a world that could go either way. I dig that. I dug sitting down in my pew. Lemme explain:
Gained a few pounds since the last time I wore a tie. Yah, I ironed that shirt, but when I put it on the shirt bowed between the buttons. the mirror told me that right away. I dug to the back of my closet, and found a short sleeved ralph lauren white shirt…. the shirt I’d ignored for so long, back in the day I still dry cleaned em — and I put it on, and it fit so good. I felt good. Problem is, short sleeves show tats.
So I thought for a minute.
I asked my wife, should I wear this? To church?
My wife responded, in the way that makes me realize again, why you’re the perfect girl for me (and baby, I love you)
“lol, it’s me…. why should I care?”
So I wore it. she probably doesn’t even know what that means to me. I know who I am, but checking to make sure I don’t embarrass her is what I was looking for. She didn’t care. She was behind me all the more: What else could a man ask for?
I got the eye rolls (behind my back of course, reported in the car from missus Dunn). I made sure I played the part, finding the interesting people in the crowds of the hand-shakers, trying to screw with their protocol. A smile and a handshake, pressing for a reaction to see whats inside. I gotta think thats the role I am tattoo’s to play now: that all is not appears as it seems. Tattoos don’t mean meth, don’t mean wife beaters. My talk don’t mean stupid, and my approach don’t mean obama. My kids are adjusted, maybe with the same problems as the theist kids with a protocol. I see the scramble. I know in my case, kids sense honesty. My only hope, with my own, that they take that into themselves. You did it with your dad, and I sure as hell did it with mine.
The speaker quoted me at the pulpet at in the meeting to close the talk. A discussion we’d had before. it was his time, his place and I gave him all that respect because man,…. he’s 19 and the whole world is before him. it should be that way. Youth needs to experience, and experience comes from doing and I’m 100% about all that. A man needs to expose himself, and dive in. how else do you become a man?
Long story short, I went to church. It wasn’t about anyone else but me. I went to support, but I loved the irony. The irony from the eyes around me. The irony from where I’ve been, and from where I’ll go. If you’re a church goer, maybe theres some value to you…. from my eyes. Look past the tats, the shaved head and the beard and maybe you’ll see a thing. I’m not any damn different now than when I was a regular. Other than I facebooked on my phone during prayers, and I look different. But protocol doesn’t determine much more than that.
I gotta say: The thing I like most about tattoos is they are an fast indicator of who I don’t want to deal with, let alone talk to…. at least right off the bat. They draw out the judgmental and the closed minded pretty fast. I love the fact that that’s not who I am, and they may never know it. it pares down a lot of bullshit, really quick. I don’t have the time or much inclination for a lot of bullshit. its a great thing.
I’m not anti religious. I see how much of a place it has, its just not for me. The zealouts I have a problem with, but a good man who can keep his balance, take care of his neighbor why would I not want to support that? If thats his inspiration, then theres a whole helluva lot of worse things in the world. It’s crazy to me, but I’ve come to realize that i’m just me and you’re you. You gotta do what you gotta do. Theres space in this world for both of us. its a great big world.
You know what I’m saying? Sound off: Love to hear what you gotta say here.
Once again,Brother,you have said a mouthful! I too,have been faced with this dillema a time or two,and could not be forced to give an inch under the preasure of the stares and the whispers of the folks who had no time to discover for themselves what I am really about.Imagine the irony of a situation where a tattooed,ear-ringed,goateed,sinner roles up on a bike in a Boy Scout uniform!That was me.My Son wanted to be a Scout,and was passed off to the next guy,and then the next,until,out of frustration,I confronted the powers that be,and resolved the issue,and in doing so,was asked,by some folks who dicovered that I could actually carry on intelligent conversation,if I would consider being an Assistant Scout Master.I like to think that,together,He and I earned his Eagle Scout.In the end,I am who I am and they are who they are,and no one is any the worse for it.
Played the roll of "Support Crew" for my nieces and my nephew in the church as well.Never gave a second thought to whether or not to be there.As you said,kids can see through all the bullshit and see a person for who they are.Besides,I would ride into hell for a kid,and these ones are MY people!So,go we did.Seen them all blessed,seen them all baptised,and see them nearly every week,after church,and I get a hug from every one of them,when they get here and when they leave too.Doesn't make a shit to them that I'm not "Brother So and So",or "Elder Such and Such"Some folks that were seated in front of us at one of these gatherings were giving my family the eye,and the husband tells his wife "they are not members".And my Father in law leans up and says to them "and we know that,but it's okay".I think that my kids,your kids and their kids know whats up,and they all have the same opportunity to glean all that they can from all of the info available,and then choose for themselves to do what is right for them!
I'm a little jaded on the whole church thing. I do believe in God, but I have a hard time with the whole church thing. Don't get me wrong, I've been there and even been a Sunday School Teacher, but anymore I have a big problem with those who profess to be christians while sitting in the pew gossiping about everyone while they enter or never lending a helping hand unless there's something in it for them. They seem to talk a good game, but they'll put the screws to you the minute you turn around. The "Oh we'd never do that" just before they stick it to you and I've seen that alot lately. I'm not sure how or when it happened. I believe there is still some of the good ones left, it just gets harder to find them. The building doesn't make the christian, it's the belief and actions just as the clothes / looks don't make the person.
I don't remember reading anywhere in my Holy Bible,that says that I have to dress in clothes that are not comfortable to me,and go gather in a building that is not comfortable to me with a bunch of stiff shirt pricks and be spoon fed some rediculous religious doctrine.In my mind,there is a huge difference between "religion" and "spirituality",and quite frankly,it is religion that scares many spiritual people away from church.I personally have been closer to God,while hiking in the dessert,or on the mountain,than in any building that I have ever been in.Besides,I feel a lot more at peace,ridng my bike on Sunday and thinking about God,than I do if I'm sitting in a church thinking about riding my bike!My Brother Hooker told me one time that religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell,spirituality is for those of us who have already been there.I think that there is some wisedom in those words.Make your own connection with whatever it is that you choose to believe,and be honest with yourself about it,and more important,don't judge someone who has chosen to believe something different!